jokes

Tonight, I got to write some jokes with Marty for his gig in Pennsylvania. It was fun and he was grateful for my help. I enjoyed the creative process.

Nana & Papa

Maybe it is just me but I find it so annoying when men use Nana and Papa and other names for the grandparents of their children, especially when you don't know the children or the grandparents. Why don't they call grandparents, grandmother or grandma and grandfather or grandpa? I don't think it is cute or endearing it's almost as annoying as baby talk which makes me feel nauseated. 

60 year old dip shit on OKCupid (looking for 25 to 40 year old sexual freak)

putitnya

Educated older gentleman looking ONLY for fun. I'm not looking for a wife or wifey material. I want a closet freak to try and enjoy new sexual things my ex-wife would not do. Come out, come out where ever you are. I'm good looking and fit. Pictures sent to personal email only.

Communication

Marty wants me to work on lack of communication as communication. When one of his long term girlfriends wanted to break up with him instead of telling him she stopped returning calls, etc. He figured out that she wanted to avoid any type of confrontation so she just stopped all communication which was communication. It was very unhealthy but she got her message across. That was her way of letting him know she was done. It was the first time anyone had ever used that tactic but it worked by saying nothing at all she said all she needed to say. 

Jealousy

The last time I had a long term relationship, the man was jealous. Marty said he was jealous because he was the type to cheat (and did cheat). Marty is not the only man to tell me that lately. Every one of my male friends have told me that when a man is jealous that it is because he is projecting his character flaw and flair for infidelity onto his girlfriend/wife. Jealous people think other people are capable of cheating because it is in their nature to cheat so they think everyone is like that.

Emotionally distant

Marty's on the road (doing stand up) so we have been talking while he is traveling. I asked him how on earth I could pick someone who is emotionally distant to date. Out of all the people who contacted me on OKCupid I went out with someone who lived four hours away and who was not available emotionally. I asked Marty if he thinks I did it subconsciously  and I don't realize it. He said he thinks a lot of women pick some guy who looks good on paper but then when they start dating the guy he really isn't what they wanted after all. Because women are independent and take care of themselves for the most part a guy seems like a good choice but then when it gets down to it the guy isn't right for them. I don't know if that's what it is. I know that the last guy I dated wasn't willing to put forth any effort. We had opposite personalities. I expect everything to be a lot of hard work and when it isn't I am overjoyed. He expected everything to be easy and when it took some work he was snippy and hateful due to frustration. Though Marty and I talked about my choices of men and why I always pick someone who is not emotionally available to me we didn't really figure anything out. But I wonder why when a perfectly nice man who is a good catch makes his intentions toward me known I back away. It makes me think I am the one who is emotionally unavailable which is scary. I have made major commitments to other people but they're familial and friendship relationships. I told Marty I wouldn't be opposed to being with someone if he was my best friend but I haven't found that person. Usually, it's one or the other, I'm either attracted the person and have chemistry or I am friends with person. It seems like dating is a lot of hard work. Right now, I don't feel like I have interest or energy to engage in it. And for the last year, I have been more interested in my friendships and the quality of life enjoyed when friendships blossom. My friendships are so much more important to me than dating someone, especially if the man is not sincere and is genuinely interested in a long term loving relationship with me not just trying to hook up.

Maybe this explains my date from OKCupid (it was just an experiment)

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/we-experiment-on-human-beings/

Doctor's appointment

Yesterday, the doctor asked if my coochie hurt (odd question). I said, "No, mostly just feelings of abandonment." She chuckled.

Good article

http://m.us.wsj.com/articles/how-to-cope-when-you-and-your-partner-are-falling-out-of-love-1406588472?mobile=y

Opinions

Marty told me that when a man says he'll settle for friendship if that's what a woman has to offer that he is hoping for more. So I asked James if he thinks Marty is right. James said when he recently told a woman he wanted to be friends with her that she misunderstood (or something) because now she is more affectionate and interested than ever so he doesn't know if it's always true. But I was talking about something completely different really. The situation was not a man telling me he wanted to be friends with me it was that he would settle for friendship if that's all I have to offer right now. Something beyond friendship with anyone has not been on my mind lately. i have been focused on getting a different job for quite a while. And then acclimating to a new work environment and new responsibilities along with learning everything I will need to know to perform my duties at work will be my primary concern.

Shouldn't be surprised

Marty told me I shouldn't be surprised because one of my very good friends has told me he sees us (him and me) having a  future together. Marty also told me that I never see that stuff coming. I said that I am surprised that my friend has fallen for me. Marty asked me why I am surprised when he thinks I'm very attractive so men are attracted to me. I said i'm surprised because no one I ever date falls for me. Of course, Marty cracked up. After we done laughing. I said that it seems like someone who knows me very well and has seen me at my best and worst would be less likely to fall for me than someone I start dating and hasn't seen me at my best and worst and doesn't even know me that well. It seems like the opposite of what would happen. Marty said he agreed and it does seem like the more more you know about someone the less you like them usually. Then Marty said I need to quit being so naive about men and that I always act surprised when someone I'm friends with expresses interest in me when I should have seen it coming.

Selena

This morning, Selena was on T.V. I watched part of it. I thought about seeing it in the theater with my son and four of his friends. They were young at the time. I let the boys choose the movie. I'm not sure why they chose Selena and at that time I had not heard of her. The film moved them and I was bombarded with questions. The bombardment went on for days. They couldn't understand why someone who said she was Selena's friend could kill her. How could anyone treat a friend that way. They thought it was unfair that Selena died. I tried everything to make them feel better. I kept pointing aspects if her life that were wonderful and how rich and fulfilling her life was though it was very short. I told them; she got to do what she loved, she had a supportive, living family, she married her best friend, etc. But the boys had something I would equate to shell shock for several days. It took a lot of talking, hanging out, and support to get through those few days with them. 

Typical OKCupid message from a young guy

Goodmorning 
:)..why can't I be older so I had a chance at you lol?! Thought I'd push my luck anyway and send you alittle message bc what can it hurt haha I always find myself looking at sexy mature women like you in stores and not the young ones my age. Tired of the drama with them. If you think I'm to young to date then maybe you could teach me a few things haha😜


Btw your absolutely gorgeous 😍😍

The L Word

I told Becky & Vivi I've been watching The L word & it makes it seem so glamourous to be  a lesbian. They're all having these great L ves.

Being a lesbian

I just said, "Earlier, I think you were telling me that my life wouldn't be any easier if I were a lesbian." Becky said, "Right. It wouldn't be and why would you think that it would be?"

Drunk dialer

I hope the man who drunk dialed me last night has forgotten that he called. 

Drunk dialing

Someone drunk dialed me earlier. It was reminder. Do not have drinks and call someone who is not interested in you. If someone wants to talk to you he/she will call you. If someone is on the fence about you drunk dialing will him/her could and more than likely will not be on the fence anymore. He/she will be too annoyed to want anything to do with you.

Turn off

Why do men list sex as one of the six things they can't do without on OKCupid? It is such a turn off.

To talk or not to talk

My friend told me the woman he is having sex with has some odd behavior during sex. One of the things she does; she talks during sex. I don't mean she talks dirty or says he should keep doing something. She carries on about all kinds of things. he described it as small talk. He said he thinks it's strange. I said I don't how he could concentrate if she is going on and on the whole time. And how would he ever get lost in the moment.

Watching

I started watching The L Word on Netflix and I like it.

Observation

People always think that someone else's actions are worse than their own.

Compliment

My mentor reminded of the time I made him a portobello mushroom sandwich and how amazed he was when he ate it. It made me feel good. I just love it when someone eats something I made and compliments me on it. It makes me feel so good.

Great timing

The timing of my move seems to be great. Previously, I would have been reticent about taking a position in southeast Houston because I was dating a man who made it very clear he did not want me to move to the area though he complained about having a long distance relationship with me--I surmised it wasn't the distance--but since he friend zoned me, I was free to take an offer without having to worry about him thinking I took the position to be closes to him when I was horrible unhappy with my position in Killeen. At the time I was relegated to the friend zone I had no idea the man was doing me a huge favor;-)

Fortunate

I feel so fortunate, after accepting my position, one of the people I liked in Corpus Christi, who was originally from Seabrook told me he just took a position in League City. I'm so excited to know someone in the area. I am glad I have someone to drink a beer with.

Is this all there is on OKCupid????????????

Hi, how r u doing? Your profile sound so interesting,will love to know you better and become best of friend to each other! Hope it's sound right ? Will love to take this conversation to the next level,If you don't mind,kindly drop me your phone number, to enable a text or call,not here all this time,will be waiting to hear from you! Have a great evening! Lewis.

Expectation

For years, I've heard that relationships go south because women get with men thinking they'll change and they don't. And men get with women thinking they won't change and they do. But I have found that men do change and some of my men friends have confirmed that they start being lax in their relationships and even ungrateful. I agree with them. I've noticed that all the consideration men present in the beginning, wanes. And they start acting like they deserve the attention being given them. Some even get snippy or start acting like they could do better. I guess that grass is always greener on the other side of the fence thing. Of course, that lawn needs to be mowed and edged. And sometimes there are even more weeds to pull. 

Nine months and three interviews

It took nine months and going through three job interviews to get out to f here. I'm not even going to recount collateral damage. Finally, this extended nightmare is going to end.

Unique but weird message on OKCupid

Hey there, you seem like a high-energy individual. I'd love to get your take on something.

Well, we found ourselves ranking Disney movies for some random reason when somebody decided to place toy story in front of the lion king. Needless to say, some people weren't to happy. Where do you stand?

Thank goodness for small favors

One of my friends told me he is glad I said I wouldn't have sex with him when he asked because he wouldn't have been able to get an erection since I don't have any pubic hair.

Don't do these things on a date (guys)

http://www.singleswarehouse.co.uk/2014/07/the-dating-game-10-things-men-should-never-do-on-a-date/

Movers

I have scheduled the movers. 

Comment on Hetexted

http://www.welovedates.com/blog/15202/want-know-mans-text-means-theres-website/

7 phases of a crush

http://thoughtcatalog.com/almie-rose/2014/05/the-7-phases-of-having-a-crush-on-someone/

Another article to read

http://bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/things-men-say-that-piss-us-off-but-shouldnt.html

Reasons why guys don't text back

http://thoughtcatalog.com/almie-rose/2014/05/12-reasons-men-dont-text-back/

Words of inspiration from James

I know you'll be busy with all the changes, but I don't want you to give up. You are my friend, and more than that; you are a beautiful, accomplished and smart woman. A rare combination. And you know yourself, an even rarer trait. The right guy is out there, and he will find you if you let him. 

Online dating advice

http://www.datingadvice.com/online-dating/youve-got-fail-3-ways-youre-ruining-your-chances-online

Read this

http://www.welovedates.com/blog/16040/6-crazy-things-never-get-guy-like/

Good read

http://www.welovedates.com/blog/16223/body-language/

In love

This morning one of my friends declared that he is in love. He is so full of hope and excited about life. I am happy for him. I remember that feeling:-)

Suggestions for OKCupid Questions

Marty and I were discussing some of the questions on OKCupid. We think they should ask, "Did you pay for your own college education?", "Would you describe yourself as a self-made man/woman?", "Do you think you deserve the best of everything?". 

Good advice for guys

http://www.welovedates.com/blog/17652/still-working-youve-got-mail-ways-men-self-sabotage-online-dating-game/?utm_content=bufferb5163&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Conversations over the last two days

Over the last couple of days, I have had conversations with three different male friends about relationships. None of us can figure out why men like women who are mean and women like men who are mean. Repeatedly, we have all seen friends overlook great relationship candidates just to go out with someone who yanks them around. One of my friends has been married to a woman for decades who has never said, "I'm sorry" or "Thank you" and that blows my mind. Another friend of mine dated a woman for five years who talked down to him. Many times when men have asked me, "Why do women always like the assholes?", "Why do nice guys always finish last?", etc. I would always reply, "That's not always true. There are plenty of women who like nice guys. I like nice guys." My friends would always say that I was an exception. For years, I have had these types of conversations with men and women. When I was a waitress and bartender hundreds of people talked about relationships and how confusing they are. After all the conversations, I still don't know why anyone would be attracted to someone who is disrespectful to them, unappreciative of their efforts, condescending, entitled, etc.   

POF

Marty had coffee with a woman from Plenty Of Fish (POF) yesterday. He said it seemed to go well. When he got back home and sent her an email about getting together again, her reply was short so he was a little put off. Marty thought that she wasn't that interested in him or her reply would have been less short and more enthusiastic. But I told him that she may have been busy but wanted to make sure to replay. I have that happen to me while I'm at work frequently. And I had a teacher in grad school who was extremely busy: he was a Planning Director, adjunct professor, involved in a project in China and was in demand in other cities all over the country due to the success of several large scale project in the city where he worked. A lot of times if I wrote my teacher an email I would get a one word reply, "OK" and I was not offended because he was so busy.

Since Marty had some success, I got on POF. Some people have told me that there is a huge difference between OKCupid and POF. I asked Marty why that is. He said he doesn't know it seems like OKCupid has better looking seekers than POF. The only explanation my be that people don't want to take the time to answer all the questions on OKCupid. That's the only thing I can think of. It does take some effort to answer the questions but it's not a final exam or anything. It could be the questions intimidate people.

I wonder if English is this guy's native language (OKCupid message)

Im Sgt blank i am a Sgt in the US Army and i saw your profile.I will like u to know that coming across your profile picture did two things to me at the same time your pretty face took my breath away,u make my heart skips several beats believe your picture brought out some sparkles in me and the more i think of it the more convinced i am that i should get to know u better and establish some kind of friendship with u i will really like to know more about u......how was your day?

Why

I don't understand why some people have everything and don't realize it or appreciate it and just piss it away. 

Divorce

One of my friends is getting a divorce and he is having a rough time. It's so hard on people even when it's the right thing to do.

Preparing

to move

Got a place

The adventure begins.

Second SHEnglish Question Today

I broke it off with this woman (friend zoned her and it was agreeable), who is too much work because she is so guarded--she was acting interested, was texting and wanting to hang out but then the interest, texts and wanting hang out dropped off--and now she is acting interested again. Do you think it's that old thing, People want what they can't have? My reply: I don't why a woman would do that. Or a man for that matter. I know it it is confusing if you're in a relationship or trying to be in a relationship with someone who is sending mixed signals. Whether it's intentional or not it is hard on the person who has been trying to do and say all the right things and then throws in the towel because he/she feels like his/her efforts are fruitless. The best thing is to tell the person you appreciate they're friendship and be patient. If my friend asks the woman what is going on she may feel like she is being confronted and most people don't like confrontation. But those people who are emotionally distant are an awful lot of work and the results of one's efforts could be better with someone who is not so guarded and emotionally available to being in a relationship. All relationships are work but when dealing with a person who is for lack of a clinical description emotionally disabled it is constant work that may be for nothing if the person isn't willing to work on being emotionally healthy in a relationship where there is give and take on both ends.

First SHEnglish Question This Morning

What does it mean when you get a text saying, "I think we made a mistake when we had sex last night because things might be weird now."? My reply: Either she wishes you two hadn't hadn't had drunken monkey sex and she genuinely regrets it or she's afraid you think she's a slut.

The search

The quest for a new home begins again.

Green tea

Time for some green tea

What I used to think

I used to think I didn't want to try being a lesbian because it was being caught on fire--it's not something I have to try to know I won't like it--but now I know I'll never live anywhere with enough closet room to be a lesbian.

Diet

Recently, I was thinking that I am too picky about what I eat. For some reason I was thinking that being so picky is ridiculous and that people in this country have just gone overboard either they eat everything in sight or like me people are very selective--this is the only place on earth where even the dogs are on diets (or need to be) instead being the diet. When my son was younger we went to a couple of foreign countries for vacation and I told him if you look around and you don't see any dogs or cats then order the chicken or the fish--but I am not as picky as I should be be. This week I had food poisoning from some chicken and it kicked my arse. Now, I don't think I can ever eat chicken again. Unfortunately, chicken was the primary meat I ate. I may be learning how to cook and eat differently (no meat). 

Marty on an upcoming gig at a State Fair

I've been trying to write state fair jokes since I've been home, but nothing yet.  I'm dreading this thing, so I have to start working harder on preparation.  That way I'll kind of look forward to it ...maybe.  I would love for it to be a cool traveling experience where I meet some interesting people, but I just don't exactly know what to expect.  I'm prepared for it to be a tough job - something that I have to trudge through - but if nothing else, surely there will be other performers I can hang out with at times.  Driving so far away to do something so different makes me feel like I'm in my early career again.  I used to take trips in my Volvo station wagon and look for club work while I street performed to hold me over.  I slept in the back of my car, as well hotels and people's homes ...people I would meet along the way.  I was such an adventurous and ballsy mofo.  Cut to: 35 years later and here I am again - hoping my car makes it and doing my little skits in unfamiliar lands.  Anyway, just hoping it turns out to be at least interesting, if not fun. 

Fleabag hotel

I was tired of driving around and looking at different so I used my Expedia app to reserve a room. Being tired of driving, I chose one which was close and since I was across from NASA i thought it would be a nice place. It is stinky and sticky as some dirty places are (it is clear it has not been cleaned in many moons though). I found myself wishing I was still dating a guy in the area or at least good enough friends that I could have asked for shelter because this was one of the few places available. Then I realized that I wouldn't have expected to stay with someone I know unless I had been invited. That's very rude and entitled. I was just desperate because the room is so bad.

This morning, I called the desk to see if there is coffee anywhere. When I went to get some coffee there were some French people in the lobby eating--their own food; there is no continental breakfast or anything close--and talking. I was sure hoping that they don't think this hotel in any way is representative of the United States. Maybe they, like me, were tired and just went to the closest place because no one would choose this place on purpose when there are so many nice places in the Houston area. And the last few times I have stayed in Houston my rooms were very nice and I felt very lucky and spoiled. 

Home

Looking for a new place to call home.

Doodlesack's profile

My self-summary

I just like to say quark, quark, quark, quark, quark, quark...
If I wanted to watch people cry without caring about the reasons, I'd be dating right now.

What I’m doing with my life

I reserve the right to retract my statements if hindsight proves them to be silly.

I’m really good at

I would say this is fairly typical of our inability to observe or assess shit.

The first things people usually notice about me

I'm one esoteric motherfucker.
Jesus built my hotrod, but Cthulhu built my Buell.
I'm the elephant in the room that got an erection and people started talking about it.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

What in the ding-dong-heckama-doodle hell is that?

I spend a lot of time thinking about

I think we can all agree that the past is over.
What never was can never be, and nothing ever was.
Nothing can hurt us after we are dead, or so we have been told.
I really thought the chocolate Jesus with the giant dick would sell.

In large states public education will always be mediocre, for the same reason that in large kitchens the cooking is usually bad.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

Some days, it just doesn't pay to chew through the leather straps in the morning.
This is a recording.

I’m looking for

• Girls who like guys
• Ages 30–60
• Located anywhere
• For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

You should message me if

If you realize that truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent and that relationships are about compromise. Let's just agree to disagree with the stupid shit I keep saying. Or.... make up your own! Savvy.

Takes the cake

Finally, a an OKCupid name which takes the cake "blowmydoodlesack": I'm not sure what a doodle sack is but I hope he doesn't click on my profile again.

Weekend

It's almost the weekend and I am ready to head south. I am looking forward to a road trip.

SHEnglish and clear communication

James had a conversation with me about SHEnglish verses clear communication last night. He said when a woman emails or texts him and says, "I'll be back in town this weekend." he doesn't know for sure if he is supposed to ask her to do something or not, especially she also mentions that she had a long week or how busy she has been. But If a woman texts him and says, "I'll be back in town this weekend. Do you want to go do something?" then he feels like she is not just fishing around trying figure out if he's interested in her. And she's secure enough with herself to let him know that she's interested in him. He said it's also a compliment when a woman shows interest in him. James said it makes him more comfortable in a relationship if a woman communicates clearly with him rather than being illusive and vague and adds a certain honestly to the relationship that is comforting to him. I told him that men do the same thing. A few times lately, I have had a friend of mine, Ronni, ask what her response was supposed to be when she gets vague texts from the guy she went on a couple of dates with. One text said, "I'll be back in town this weekend." and he didn't mention that he'd like to see her or that it wasn't his weekend with kids or anything else. My girlfriend, Ronni, asked me what I thought he meant. I told I thought she was supposed to say, "Do you want to do something?" so he would know she was interested. She said I feel like he is just informing of his schedule when I'm not his assistant, I a woman he has been on a date with and I don't feel like he is interested enough to make the effort to ask me out. Ronni then said she felt like the guy was just playing games with her and trying to feel her out and she wanted him to declare that he was interested in her. Ronni said she felt like the wasn't being sincere with her, she didn't know for sure if he wasn't all that interested in her or if he wasn't secure enough about himself to truly express an interest in her. At the time, my thought was that they were not off to a good start (they only went on one more date and it fizzled). 

Funny article about OKCupid

http://blogs.sfweekly.com/exhibitionist/2014/07/okstupid_how_to_succeed_on_okc.php

James' MANglish Translation 9 Vlog (Kung Fu MANglish)

Motivation of MANglish

A couple of men have said, "I don't use MANglish." "I don't try to deceive women." and "I try to be honest with women." They think men using MANglish is being deceptive. I explained men don't use MANglish to deceive women. MANglish is the language men speak naturally. The thing with MANglish is women don't speak it. Just like men don't speak SHEnglish. Those same men have asked me what it meant when a woman said this or that. Women don't use SHEnglish to intentionally confuse men. Because men and women communicate so differently it causes confusion and I don't think it's intentional or that it's used to hurt the opposite sex and sometimes men and women are trying to communicate effectively and not hurt someone but in the end it just ends up creating more confusion. I told my buddies who thought MANglish makes men sound like liars that I think it's opposite of that. Most of the time men are trying to communicate but the meaning gets lost in translation because men and women are different. Case in point, yesterday when James and I were hanging out, he reminded me that when were growing up women used sex to get love and men used love to get sex. And I said, " That's not necessarily true today though. It's very different. We dated and you probably never hooked up. Today, young people hook up but probably won't ever date." James said that makes him think that MANglish and SHEnglish are likely to be more interesting and important to people our age rather than younger people if they aren't geared toward relationships.

MANglish in online profiles

Frequently, men state that they are honest in the online profiles. I Always think of "Honest John" from the Beverly Hillbillies. 

Gillian's SHEnglish comment

I told Gillian about James' wife saying, "I was already divorced in my head when I had an affair while working in Singapore." Gillian said that James' wife justifying herself and her bad behavior by using that excuse. She thought James' wife took the easy way out. Instead of talking to James about their marriage and trying to work things out she did something to end the marriage. 

Jim's Comment on SHEnglish

Jim,

Can you think of things women have said to you that confused you?  

Jim's Reply: 

Lmao! My fingers would be bloody stumps long before I finished typing all those!  Seriously though, after 20 years in this business I have gotten extraordinarily good at reading through women’s bullshit so I’m almost never confused, fooled or surprised by anything a woman says.  I have my own built in SHEnglish Translator, I call it my Spidey Sense, Lol.

Another of Jim's MANglish Translations

When a guy say, "I don't have time for a girlfriend right now." = Simple....he's not done doing SOMETHING yet!  Whether it is women, career, sports, or buying and playing with guy toys, there is something that he feels he will have to do without once he commits.

Borrowed time

Marty told me to get over it I was on borrowed time. He was referring to my birthday that was ruined when my current guy said, "Don't put my picture on Facebook." after I snapped a photo of him. My date gave me no reason it was a directive. Marty said it meant he was hiding something or protecting his single status. Marty added that the person was lying: In some way he was trying to hide where he was because he was somewhere he wasn't supposed to be.

Modern MANglish (anonymous)

Because I was asked not to reveal my source, I WON'T. One my friends (a man) told me he is dating a woman and when things were getting a little hot and steamy he said to her, "I want to take it slow." He explained to me that he said that because he doesn't want her to think they're exclusive and he thinks that if you have sex with a woman that sort of seals the deal and she thinks you're exclusive and that's not necessarily true for men. He thought it would be the best way to keep his options open if he said, "I want to take it slow."

Lunch with coworker

Last week, it was revealed to me that the coworker who asked me to lunch, then fished around about playing pool after work and always brings up having a beer is married. I don't care if he is married or not because I have no interest in him whatsoever but I am always disgusted by married men who think it's OK to date around. As far as that goes women who think and act that way gross me out too. First of all, it's not necessary to be married (unless you're planning to have children together; just my humble opinion). Second, what kind of greedy m#ther f@ckers are these a holes who are so entitled that they think they deserve to have cake and it too. F@ck off! Leave some for the rest of us. You already have it all and don't deserve more.

Gossip

Friday and Saturday, I was on the receiving end of quite a few text messages from a coworker. The messages were a bit strange and I wondered what the impetus for the subject matter was. The subject was me. When I got to work and asked the executive director about the situation, I got a completely different story. 

New Suits

Last Sunday, Becky, Viviana and Junior went to Banana Republic with me so I could get a new suit (& a couple of back up suits) for my job interview. The pants and skirts of all my suits are too big. They were so helpful with my selection. Viviana thought the pants were loose but I told her there was no way I was going to buy a zero (0) so I got the two and they are a little loose. I need to wear a belt. Junior was extremely patient with us. He was unbelievable. He's my new hero. And when I went to my job interview I looked and felt great in my new suit.

Tolerance

Marty told me I am not very tolerant of other people. When were talking this morning he said that I get sick of people quickly. Then he said if my last relationship had not been long distance I would have gotten sick of him much more quickly. I had been thinking I am much more tolerant than I used to be. I guess I need to reevaluate myself. 

Not interested (OKCupid)

For nine months this guy has been writing me on OKCupid. I usually don't write him back. This week I wrote and told him he is too young for me. Now, he writes more and insists he is not too young for me. 

Junior's MANglish Translation 9

The Junior's MANglish Translation 9 Vlog has 634 views now (on You Tube). I'm excited about the vlog. It has been fun. So far everyone has been so cooperative and supportive.

One comment

I have one comment from Becky who wants the name of my project MANglish instead changing the name HE-english.

Marty opened my eyes

Yesterday, Marty and I were talking and I told him that my trust in someone was destroyed when he lied to me. I've had issues with it because I have had conflicting feelings about the person because of the lie. Sometimes I feel like I am unforgiving because I don't know if I can believe anything that he says because he has lied to me in the past. I  worry that our whole relationship has been based on lies since I have no idea what else he has lied about. On the other hand I feel like once someone lies to me I know the person is capable of lying and is not someone who deserves my friendship. Marty said, "The reason it is bothering you so much and you have trouble forgiving someone who lies is because you don't lie." I don't why I didn't realize it before but that is a very simple explanation and obvious but I didn't see it. Now that Marty has pointed out to me I may see it from a different perspective.

Private Number

The past week I keep getting calls from a private number. When I answer the phone no one replies. 

Email

I got an email from Clark County saying that I am qualified for the position of Planner; I applied about a month ago.

Blue collar workers

Someone made the comment to me that I was interviewing in a blue collar town. It sounded a little elitist. maybe because I was raised differently than him. I feel like this country was built on the blood, sweat, tears, and lives of blue collar workers. 

He-english instead of MANglish

My buddy, James, thinks I should call MANglish HE-english. MANglish has more than one meaning and James thinks HE-english is consistent with SHEnglish. I would like some input if you have time. Please comment:-) I'd like to know what you think.

Link to vlogs on MANglish

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4oBDobI80Em4Phe7c0Q8Kw

Therapist on cheating

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14188/why-people-cheat-a-couples-therapist-explains.html

True

https://mobile.twitter.com/RealGirlFact/status/487936913769496576?p=v

Hints for men

http://luufy.com/site/post/73?utm_source=k#.U8EsSfldUhQ

Good advice from the single dating diva

http://singledatingdiva.com/2014/07/07/ask-single-dating-diva-what-to-write-in-your-online-dating-profile/

I don't know how many messages like this I have received...I wonder if this man went to grade school

Hello how are you doing this wonderful weekend i will say you are pretty and i would love to know you more better if you don't mind.?

OKCupid photos and profiles

I wonder why men have so many pictures of themselves with their cars, motorcycles, bicycles, etc. To get a woman's attention I think they should post photos of themselves vacuuming, sweeping, dusting, unloading the dishwasher, etc. But instead, they show their toys: fancy cars, expensive motorcycles, etc. Some women might think the guys priorities are screwed up. He has a huge car payment for example. Or a woman might think the man would be out riding his motorcycle rather than hanging out with her.

Another photo op that is frequent: Men take pictures of themselves with their dogs or cats. The men are affectionately posed with their animals. It looks like they are trying to send the message that I will pet you too. Just because a man is nice to his dog it doesn't mean he is nice to women. I've seen men and women both treat their pets better than their spouses.

Maybe it's because I am in Texas, I'm not sure but a lot of men have profile pictures of themselves with dead animals and fish. I don't if this is supposed to signal that these guys can provide for women. Or maybe, it's to let women know that these men have the means to kill the unarmed. I have a lot of theories about the reasoning behind showing someone pictures of dead (formerly live) beings. I do know that I can go to the grocery store since I have a driver's license, car and a job so I don't need someone to provide for me.

I guess when guys have photos of themselves with their toys and doing their hobbies women are supposed to think their well rounded and have interests. But a lot of those photos don't show the faces of the men very well. I think the photos are kind of like peacock feathers. They're a distraction from the bird. Instead of looking at the bird which is not much to look at, all attention is drawn to the feathers that are glorious.

In profiles one of the strangest things to me and maybe it's just me but many men mention sex right off the bat in the profiles. Maybe I'm wrong but that used to be a taboo subject. I know everyone is more open about everything these days but why mention sex at all. Anyone with half a brain knows it's integral to relationships so it's superfluous to mention it. And it is such a turn off and so rude that many women who might otherwise think the men have potential (women are always thinking men have potential, THANKFULLY, my hypothesis is that if women weren't as optimistic and looked for potential in men then there would be no more human race. It's in the DNA of women to pick men who have potential. Just like if men weren't such horn dogs it would be the end of our species.) dismiss the men as soon as they read the word "sex" or any reference to "BJ". I cannot imagine any woman worth her salt and a modicum of self respect going out with one of these ding dongs (no pun intended, maybe I should have used the word "nimrod" but that word has "rod" in it...I can't win here).

Enough for now.

Almost the worst profile ever

My self-summary

Laid back body builder.

What I’m doing with my life

Working out.

I’m really good at

Working out.

The first things people usually notice about me

My 6-pack

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

Steak, chicken, PULP FICTION

The six things I could never do without

Working out
Sex
Fast cars
Women
Sex
BJ

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Getting BJ

On a typical Friday night I am

Hopefully with a women

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I love BJ and boobs

Wiz Quiz

For the first time ever, I was asked to take a wiz quiz during a job interview. Of course, I said, "Yes." I went to the clinic and everything was great until I spilled the first sample. So I had to drink a bottle and a half of water. I tried and tried to work up another sample. After a bit, I handed over a small sample which ended up being enough for the medical assistant to use for the test. The results were available immediately. I passed.

Friends and interviews

Several of my friends called and texted to ask how the interview went. I really appreciate their thoughtfulness. It reminded me of when I applied for a job and my guy didn't even ask how it went. That's what I call unspoken MANglish. I got the hint. He wasn't interested. Sometimes something someone doesn't say is all telling.

Subway

My job interview was at 1:00 p.m. today. I had yogurt for breakfast but didn't have tome to eat lunch. The interview ended about 4:00 p.m. After the interview I went to a Subway because I was starving and had a nearly four drive ahead of me. It was the best Subway sandwich I have ever had. It was delicious.

Marty and Vlogging for MANglish

I asked Marty to vlog for me. He did 21 takes which he thought were not good enough. He's a perfectionist. And Marty thought he sounded bad. We had discussed one of my MANglish statements, "I don't have time for a girlfriend right now." That's open to interpretation and the man who says that to a woman may be trying to cover his bases. He may be thinking that if he makes the statement a little vague then the woman is still available for sex. But if a man says, "I don't want you for a girlfriend." there is no room for interpretation. The statement is very clear. Marty thought that sounded bad but I told him it is much better to know if someone isn't interested. The woman knows to stop wasting her time so it's more kind to be honest in the long run and it's much more honest and up front. 

Update on the match I found for Marty on OKCupid

The woman I found for Marty on OKCupid didn't write him back yet:-(

About the job interview

Today, I had a job interview which lasted three hours and there was no MANglish. The longest job interview I have had.

Catfishing

I asked Marty how he knows if a woman on OKCupid or POF is really who she says she is and he said you don't know unless you meet her. I have heard several stories all from men about meeting up with a woman and she doesn't look the same as she did online. I'm sure it has happened to some women too but my guy friends are the ones who are usually talking to me about dating (for some reason, maybe because I'm a girl but I am no expert that's for sure). 

Preparing

Took out the trash, watered the plants, time to pack, I'm heading south for a job interview. I still wish I was going on a promising date rather than going to a job interview. I need to keep telling myself, "I'm excited, I'm excited, I'm excited." not "I'm nervous, I'm nervous, I'm nervous."

Horrible user name on OKCupid

agile_tit_tyrant

New MANglish from James

One of the OKCupid questions

The question on OKCupid is something like, which is more nerve wracking a promising date or a job interview? Who wouldn't rather go on a promising date? Since I have a job interview Friday the OKCupid question popped into my mind. I'd rather have an upcoming promising date.

Match on OKCupid

When I checked out Marty's matches on OKCupid I saw a woman I thought was attractive and her profile didn't sound wacky. I suggested that he send her a message. He did so we'll see what happens now. 

Planning & Zoning Commission Meeting

Between the P&Z workshop and the public hearing a developer asked me how I was doing and I replied, "Almost as well as I would be if I were young, rich & beautiful." Everybody started cracking up but I wasn't joking. I have felt great lately and its so nice.

That's not MANglish

Mic told me I'm his best friend and he would have never guessed things would turn out to be this way five years ago. His comment was prompted by me offering to listen if he needs someone to talk to about life. He's so sweet he said that I'm his rock right now. I'm so glad I can be there for him. He was my hero when I lived in Corpus.

Perfect gift for my drive to work

New sunglasses from my adorable son

My son told me he sent me a couple of books he wants me to read. When I opened the package these sunglasses were in there. What a great surprise:-)

New OKCupid Profile

I am thinking about making a new online profile on OKCupid. This time I want to be more thoughtful when I answer the questions. On my current profile I answered spontaneously rather than pondering the questions. I want to see if I get different matches. 

Marty explains subtle differences in MANglish

Marty explained the difference in two statements: "I don't want to get married now." and "I don't want to marry you." He said when a man says, "I don't want to get married now." it may be a timing issue i.e., the man isn't ready to get married. Or the man could be phrasing the statement that way intentionally because he doesn't want the woman to quit sleeping with him so he makes sure to avoid a definitive/direct statement about her. But when a man says, "I don't want to marry you." he is telling the truth and being direct. He doesn't care if the woman stops having sex with him. He is done. And if a man says, "I don't want to marry you." take him at his word. Don't keep thinking his mind can be changed; move on.

Match I chose for Marty

I looked through the matches on OKCupid and found an adorable for Marty. 

I'm a DWF looking for a DWM. I am a high energy, fun-loving, easy person to be around. I love to laugh!

He said I am easy going but I am not fun-loving.

Mic's comment on MANglish texts

I asked Mic his opinion on texts from exes. Mic said if a woman gets a text from man she is not seeing anymore and he asks what her plans are for the weekend he is just hoping to get laid. So far Marty, James and Mic all think the same thing.

Josh's MANglish Translation Vlog

OKCupid Women

Since Marty has changed all my settings on my OKCUPID account I have seen some of the available women in the Louisville area. And there are some beautiful women. 

Another MANglish Text

My girlfriend had a date or two with a man she met on eHarmony. He texted her and said, "I'll be around this weekend." So my friend asked me, "What does that text mean?" I told her I thought the ball was in court. I said, "I think he figures if you're interested you text him back and ask if he wants to do something." She said, "Why didn't he just ask me out?" I said, "Well maybe he is nervous and wants to see if you're interested in him and that if you are you'll suggest doing something and if you're not interested then you won't suggest going out." My girlfriend said, "I don't ask men out. If he wants to see me then he should say so. He should be more direct and call me to ask for a date not send some vague text. I want to be pursued. I like the chase."

Misunderstanding MANglish

I was on the phone with my OKCupid guy and he said, "I wish you could stop by here on your way home." It was Christmas and I had driven up for the Christmas holiday. After he said he wished I could drop by I said, "It would take me nine hours (and his place was over four hours south  of my place) to get to your house so I would have to leave now and drive all day then I wouldn't have anywhere to spend the night tonight." The following week he said something like he wanted to see me Christmas day and spend time with me. I told him I didn't get that from what you said because you said, "I wish you could drop by here on your way home." I told him we could have arranged something if I had known in advance and he had said something that was more clear. When he said, "I wish you could stop by here on your way home." that sounded like something that just popped in his head and was a second thought to me not that he wanted to spend Christmas together.

MANglish Dictionary Needed

I had a date but he had to cancel because his child care arrangements fell through. Later in the day he called and said, "my mom said she'll watch my son." So I said, "I need my MANglish Dictionary, does that mean you want to see me?" and he laughed and said, "Yes."

It would have been more clear for me if he said, "I have arranged child care and I would like to see you. Can you still go out tonight?"

Introduction on OKCupid (unusual)

Hi: I'd drive to Killeen to take you to lunch. F@ck, yeah, I would! Chris

MANglish Text

According to Marty and James, if you and your heart throb have stopped seeing each other and you get a text from him it just means he's horny and was hoping to get laid. Don't get your hopes up that he saw the light and wants to talk about getting back together.

97% Match on OKCupid

I have a 97% match on OKCupid and it's not a woman. My account settings are Marty's right now. I am hoping women aren't thinking I am looking at them but I am sure they do. I hope if Marty writes someone he let's them know he is using my account and we're working on some MANglish stuff. The bad thing about the 97% match, it was with the guy who dumped me:-(  

Friendship

I am so thankful for my friends who have been supportive of me. I am truly blessed to have such caring people in my life. 

Tossed salad

Junior made the comment (to Becky, Vivi & me), tossed salad needs dressing. He said he was trying be funny. Becky was trying to convince me that tossed salad is good.

OKCupid

All the recent visits on my OKCupid are women. 

Junior's MANglish Translation 7

MANglish 7: http://youtu.be/2DlPQ6gjvNg

Junior's MANglish Translation 6

Junior's MANglish Translation 5

Junior's MANglish Translation 4

Junior's MANglish Translation 3

Junior's MANglish Translation 9

Junior's MANglish Translation Vlog

Junior's vlog on MANglish