Emotionally distant

Marty's on the road (doing stand up) so we have been talking while he is traveling. I asked him how on earth I could pick someone who is emotionally distant to date. Out of all the people who contacted me on OKCupid I went out with someone who lived four hours away and who was not available emotionally. I asked Marty if he thinks I did it subconsciously  and I don't realize it. He said he thinks a lot of women pick some guy who looks good on paper but then when they start dating the guy he really isn't what they wanted after all. Because women are independent and take care of themselves for the most part a guy seems like a good choice but then when it gets down to it the guy isn't right for them. I don't know if that's what it is. I know that the last guy I dated wasn't willing to put forth any effort. We had opposite personalities. I expect everything to be a lot of hard work and when it isn't I am overjoyed. He expected everything to be easy and when it took some work he was snippy and hateful due to frustration. Though Marty and I talked about my choices of men and why I always pick someone who is not emotionally available to me we didn't really figure anything out. But I wonder why when a perfectly nice man who is a good catch makes his intentions toward me known I back away. It makes me think I am the one who is emotionally unavailable which is scary. I have made major commitments to other people but they're familial and friendship relationships. I told Marty I wouldn't be opposed to being with someone if he was my best friend but I haven't found that person. Usually, it's one or the other, I'm either attracted the person and have chemistry or I am friends with person. It seems like dating is a lot of hard work. Right now, I don't feel like I have interest or energy to engage in it. And for the last year, I have been more interested in my friendships and the quality of life enjoyed when friendships blossom. My friendships are so much more important to me than dating someone, especially if the man is not sincere and is genuinely interested in a long term loving relationship with me not just trying to hook up.