Two years ago

Today is the anniversary of the last time I met someone I felt a strong connection to. It was so nice to be around someone I thought would be close to and be able to relate to. I used to meet people so easily but as I've grown older I don't meet people I really like so often. I was so excited. We talked and laughed a lot. I started to feel like I was on my way to falling head over heals in love with him. Rather than end up with a broken heart, I decided to tell him we should probably date other people since we lived four hours away from each other and he had started to act differently to me. Of course I wasn't interested in seeing anyone else. I just wanted to start the heeling process and I was hoping with all my heart that I could salvage the friendship because I had had so much hope for us when we met. I thought maybe I was too much too soon. I will not ever know what it was I should have asked instead of making a snap judgment and acting on it but he wasn't communicating with me and I was at a loss. All I knew was that he seemed a lot less excited and didn't seem to feel lucky he met me or like he wanted to be in a relationship with me long distance or not. Once I told him that I thought we should date other people things were never the same. Eventually, I lost the friend I had so much hope for and the love I was hoping to culminate. I have tried to apologize for taking action without asking him what was going on in his head and heart because his actions were so confusing for me though he had been so open with me when we met. I have never been able to tell him how sorry I am and that I wish things had turned out differently so we could be friends but I didn't know how to tell him. I doubt if my actions hurt him since he was acting strangely but I know I have suffered a great loss and hope the regret goes away sometime soon. I do feel much better about it intermittently, Friday I had a lot of hope. I don't know why but I like it when I have the feeling that everything will work out. I believe hope is what keeps all of us going. Someday maybe I will be hopeful most of the time and be open to friendship and the possibility of loving someone without sabotaging my own chances at happiness.